I Plead Insanity
by evil-kiten
Summary: What will happen when two Batman fangirls from Spokane, WA find themselves in a car accident that leaves them looking strikingly similar to the Joker and Twoface? and How does Batman play into all this? R&R please!
1. Accidents Happen

The point of veiw in this story is a little different. It's first person from the four main characters. I tried my best to make sure you can tell which person's view is being shown.

This story is based on me and some friends of mine. Anything batman is not mine, but all ideas are mine. Most of the characters don't really belong to anyone, being as they are based off real people.

I

Accidents Happen

"I really really hate convertibles, you do know that right?" I complained from the backseat of the little black car as it sped down the freeway.

"What Liz?" the driver exclaimed as he turned to the passenger, "Did you hear a damn word she said, Rose?"

"Not one..." Rose said bluntly.

I leaned forward, head between the front seats and yelled, "I said, you are a _horrible driver _Justinand I hate your piece of shit car!"

The road was pretty clear, Justin swerved in and out of the traffic like a madman. I always hated riding in his car, especially in the backseat. The wind roared in my ears, no wonder he couldn't hear me. I couldn't hear myself.

"I am wonderful at driving, you need to just shut up," Justin exclaimed indignantly. Took him a few minutes to figure that one out. He's never been the brightest crayon in the box.

"Oh give me a break, Justin! You're gonna get us all killed someday. I'm surprised you've lived this long!" I egged him on, he was so fun when he was angry. He fought back a little, attempting to defend himself. I kept at it, picking him apart with words. His girlfriend, who was also my best friend, just sat there in silence. Rose knew not to get involved in these little games, she was smarter than that.

Justin was getting heated. His voice was raised. I was trying so hard to keep my laugher inside. "You are such a momma's boy!" I continued, a slight giggle escaping on the last word.

"I AM NOT!" he shouted, turning in his seat to make sure I heard him. His head was turned only a second, but that was long enough.

"JUSTI..." Rose screamed hysterically, her voice being cut off the sound of screeching brakes. I looked forward to see a truck spread across the entire freeway, the ground was covered with what looked like green slime, but that wasn't the worst part. Before I could even recognize it, Justin's little black car hit a huge metal chemical container.

Seatbelts would have been nice. I was flying through the air, watching the scene in front of me play out. I tried to scream but not sound came out. Someone was screaming at first, then all the sound in my world faded. It was almost like a slow motion replay. This is gonna hurt, I hoped for a quick death, but hitting the payment, bouncing a bit, and hopefully smashing my brains all over I-5 was not in the plan for me. I was speeding through the air, heading straight for an open vat of smokey green slime.

Oh fuck, this isn't my lucky day...


	2. Two of a Kind

II

Two of a Kind

The walls were all white, the hallway seemed endless. The glare off the walls tore at my eyes. I closed them tightly and allowed the rough hands to guide me through the sea of brightness. I had to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I was already dead. Was I headed for judgement? Or had my judgement already been passed and now I was being led to hell.

We stopped. I squinted into the whiteness, trying to make out something. I felt as if I was staring into the sun. So bright, but cold. For the first time I realized I was shivering. It was so cold, it made no sense at all to me.

"Where do you want to put her?" A harsh voice rumbled from behind me. .

It sounded as if someone was shuffling through papers. "This Kennedy, Rose R?" a female voice questioned.

Then slience.

"Have you done the Physc evaluation yet?" the same female voice spoke once more.

"I don't think we need to evaluate her," the male stated. "I mean if I," he lowered his voice to the point I had to strain to hear, "looked like that I'd be nuts too."

_Looked like what?_ I thought. I felt perfectly normal. I wasn't crazy anyway. They were just stupid. I mean how could I be crazy, I didn't even remember my own name. that's not crazy.

"Put her in that cell with Carroll." the female stated flatly.

"That's the other... 'weird' one, isn't it? The one in the same accident?" the male questioned.

"Yeah, first name Liz. I guess they know each other." the female replied.

We started walking again. I closed my eyes tightly once more, contemplating what the man urging me forward had said. Come to think of it no one had let me within 10 feet of a mirror ever since I awoke. It didn't matter. I wouldn't recognize myself anyway, or would that help me remember more about myself?

Once again being led down the endless halls. Would it ever end? Suddenly we stopped. It was so abrupt that I almost fell, but didn't. Something caught me without touching me. What a weird feeling. Almost like being suspended in mid air. What's going on? As I felt myself falling i had tried to catch myself, but my arms... they weren't movable. At this point I started to struggle. What the hell were they doing to me. I was tied up, or is restrained a better word for this.

The man grabbed my shoulders. I opened my eyes. Panic, I panicked. "What the hell are you doing to me?" I screamed frantically. "Let go of me! Don't you fucking touch me"

He just laughed as he shoved me face first into a doorway. This time there was no comforting suspension to save me. I crashed face first into the floor.

A piercing laughter filled the room. So loud, my panic grew. I struggled, realizing my hands were now free. I forced myself over and looked around. The first thing I saw was a woman, or at least I thought it was a woman, bending over me. She was laughing hysterically. It hurt my ears, my head, hell it hurt my entire being to hear that woman's laughter. She just stared at me blankly. As if she was seeing the floor behind me, or maybe seeing through my clothing and thinking it hilarious.

"We meet again Twofer," she giggled, "About time they gave me some company, these walls are driving me _mad_." Once again the high piercing laughter. Did this woman find everything funny? And what was this "Twofer" she was referring to?

"Who the hell are you?" I said trying to turn over, realizing she had one leg on either side of me and I was stuck.

"Wouldn't a better question be _where are you?_" She purred as she felt me struggle against her legs. She moved quickly, almost as if she were dancing, to the opposite side of the room. Giggling the entire time. As I sat up the room came into focus for the first time. All white, padded. The only color in the room was the hair and lips of the woman. With her messy green hair plastered to her head and her cherry red lips posed in a permanent smile she did look oddly familiar.

"Would you be so kind to tell me then," I stated flatly.

"Maybe..." She grinned so wide it seemed unnatural, once again giving me the itch of knowing something but not being able to remember.

"Thanks..." I mumbled under my breath.

"We're in an insane asylum," she said staring off into the void. She stood there for a long time completely still, then suddenly she was close, too close. She leaned into my ear and spoke softly, "and anytime Twofer." Then back across the room quickly as she had come, the half suppressed giggle leaping from her throat as she got back to the other side of the room.

"What's with this 'Twofer' thing you keep calling me?" I said irritably. I walked closer to her.

"You don't like your nickname?" She pouted falsely with the same grin across her face.

"I don't know what it means." She looked slightly confused for a minute and walked to the door. She looked beyond the tiny window and dropped to the ground ripping her pant leg up and pulling something from her sock. Grinning she held out her hands to me. I looked down at the things she held and got a bit of a surprise. I grabbed a mirror piece from her so violently that I didn't even notice it's sharp edge slice my palm open.

There was something odd about my face. One side completely normal, the other... I can't ever describe the hideousness of my other side. Dark, twisted. I gawked at myself like a child at a freak show.

"Don't you want your _Lucky_ coin?" the woman asked. Only her melodic giggle brought me away from the mirror. In her hands was a coin. I took it and held it gently in my right palm. The red blood smearing it's shiny surface. Something was so familiar about this coin. Sliding it up onto my thumb I flipped it. The coin shot up past my face and came back down into my palm with a sickening splat. Without looking I passed it into the left hand. Only then did I look down. This side of the coin was scratched, defaced, like me. Two sides of the coin, two sides of me. Everything came to us in an instant.

"You're the Joker," we said as we looked up at the woman grinning before us.


	3. Chance Memories

III

Chance Memories

Watching Two Face sit there and flip her coin was irritating. That's all she had been doing. Didn't say a god damn word, didn't even want to play. Hmpf..

The events of the past week were still fresh in my mind. That hospital, that stupid nurse. She was a joke. _Was_ a joke, but not anymore. Now she was gone, dead. I chuckled out loud. The night that I woke in that hospital. Now that was a great memory. I sat back against the padded white wall and closed my eyes, letting the memory take over.

The room was cold. The IVs itched... so I removed them. My face had been bandaged. If I had known why that night, I might not have removed the bandages but that knowledge was not mine. I walked to the mirror across from the bed and saw the bandages. I tore them, they were strong. Someone had wrapped them well. It took a few minutes. When I had first seen my face I thought it was some kind of joke. I had tore at my face and hair until I bled, blood as red as my newly colored lips. Then I just laughed. Laughed and laughed.

Thinking back on it, the laughter was probably what got that nurses attention. She came in and told me to lay down and be quiet. She started yelling at me for removing the bandages and IVs. I laughed, I even laughed as I smashed her face into that mirror... repeatedly... until my hands were covered in her blood. It was so hot, the memory made me smile.

I frowned as I came back to the white room. Then they had put me here. Claimed I was insane. What a joke! I giggled again. If I ever got out of here, which I no doubt would soon enough with Twofer here to help, I'd have some fun with those people. We'd play some _games._ Once again I couldn't keep myself from laughing.

"What is so goddamn funny!" A harsh voice brought me back in myself. "We're tired of listening to your big mouth."

I just grinned as I replied, "Just thinking..." pause "of what I'm gonna do when they let me out." My grin widened ever so slightly.

"_When!_" She laughed. "They're never gonna let you out of here, you'll rot in here with us," Two Face exclaimed.

"Oh they will let me out, and you as well." I paused again giving her almost enough time to reply but not quite. "It will be fun." She just starred at me blankly as if contemplating something, and then the flip of the coin. I held my breath as she flipped it over. Defaced side upward. I smiled again, knowing exactly what she had decided. I wouldn't be long now. Not long at all.


	4. The Great Escape

IV

The Great Escape

The Joker was giggling ever so slightly. Her plan was absurd, but it just might work. Should we go along with this plan? I nervously flipped the coin, palmed it, and discovered our fate. We would go along with this plan. That was that. Easy decisions. We like it that way.

I crouched on one side of the door and the Joker posed rather strangely on the other side, standing on one foot with arms raised like a ballerina. We waited. Someone would be coming along any time to check on us. When they looked in and didn't see us they'd surely open the door, and we'd be ready. All we had to do was grab the door and get the sonofabitch's attention long enough for the Joker to pounce them with the broken mirror piece.

A sound. Voices more precisely and they were coming from outside the door. The same male voice that had thrown us in. The same one that had mocked us. We'd kill him ourselves. Yes, yes. I waited, it seemed like years and then a rattle of keys and the knob began to turn. Too late to look up and make sure the Joker had noticed. As the door opened we grabbed it and came face to face with two people. This wasn't right. One was bound in a straight jacket. He must have been meant to go in the cell with us. The nurse looked at me wild eyed as the Joker slipped her arm around his neck, the sharp mirror piece barely touching his venerable flesh. I grabbed at the other inmate and pulled him into the room, tossing him to the floor.

"Don't say a fucking word, or we'll kill you," I whispered urgently. He starred blankly at me and slowly nodded. We closed the door and turned to face the nurse.

"Mock us now, you son-of-a-bitch," we sang as we brought our knee into his groin. He groan and doubled our slightly, the mirror nicking his throat a bit, sending a small trail of red liquid dripping down his neck

"Do you really think it wise to kill him," a wavering male voice spoke from behind me. "Now?."

I turned took face the other inmate. He was still slightly blank looking in the eyes, and we wondered what he had for a brain. "And just why the hell shouldn't we?" we questioned.

"Here's the question: Would it be easier to get out of here with me leading you out in that uniform, or with you two running outta here like idiots?" he questioned a bit too cocky for his own good, but he did have a point. Logically it would be much easier to sneak out than just plain hightail it out. We pulled out the coin and flipped. Logic was the way to go.

"Fine." We said flatly.

"Hey! but!" the Joker started.

"You can still kill him, just _after_ we remove his uniform." I interjected.

"Wonderful!" she replied, her tone and grin almost scaring me. We removed the uniform form the nurse, roughly, with a final kick to the stomach. We turned to remove the straight jacket from the male inmate, the gurgling last breath of the nurse filling our ears with pleasure. What a sweet end for him. We smiled slightly. Our smile quickly turned to a scowl as we remembered that we didn't even know who this person we were escaping with was.

"Who are you anyway?" We spoke up.

"Maybe a better question is... _why am I?_" he spoke dramatically. His lips seeming to cling to his last word.

"Does everything have to be a goddamn question!" We raged. This was getting old. Why should we trust someone who always speaks in riddles. Who can't even tell us who the hell he is? What a jackass. We should just finish him now and leave his body to drain in this white hell. We flipped. Fuck! He was to live... this time.

"You are wrong Twofer." the Joker piped in, grinning madly, "everything must be a riddle to him. He is, after all, known as..." She just stopped, red lips poised in that creepy grin. We waited a moment for her to finish, but she obviously was toying with us.

"As?" I asked flatly, rather annoyed with that pale face and disheveled hair.

"Why the Riddler of course." She giggled, then laughed, then exploded into fits of laughter that can only be categorized as insane.

—x---

The Riddler was a goofy looking kid. Tall and unnaturally thin. Very easy to snap his scrawny little neck. I grinned as the image of his neck snapping in my hands appeared before my eyes, but he _could_ prove to be useful. His plan, while not having the class of waltzing out with a dead nurse on my arm, would give us a better chance of actually getting out of here.

"Let's get a move on," Two Face said irritably.

"Yes, what's the point of standing around here?" the Riddler replied smugly as he stood there, arms across his chest, in scrubs that were far to short for his long legs and far to wide for his narrow waist. I giggled at the sight, he looked like an elephant that had been starved. Scrubs clinging to him like loose skin, all bunched up at the top and then sitting well above his ankles. He darted around me and grabbed the back of my jacket. I resisted the urge to scream as I tired to break free, but he held me fast being well stronger than one would have thought.

"Off we go kiddies," he said dragging me over to Two Face and harnessing her in a similar fashion. She seemed to take it a bit better than I, a glossy look forming over her eyes.

Off we went. My face was at the floor. This was insulting and degrading. I blinked rapidly, trying to keep my eyes open against the light as we strolled down one hallway after the next. Watching the feet of those we passed. None said a word, no hellos, no good days, no what the fuck are you doings. Nothing. It was as if they all were in on the little plot and were letting us escape.

I glanced up to meet eyes with the most beautiful man I had ever seen. His medium length blondish hair falling over his bright blue eyes as he smiled at me. A smile that would forever haunt me. I smiled back as he took a step closer. My eyes widened, was he gonna stop us?

"Excuse me, but which patients are these?" the blonde said as he glanced over at Two Face and then his eyes darting back at me, smiling boldly.

"Just some more loonies Doc." the Riddler replied with a slight southern accent.

"These are out patients Mr..." he paused to glance at the ID tag hanging from the Riddler's neck.

"I'm just moving them to a different room. Ask my boss if you want to know anything else about them" the Riddler replied hastily as he lugged me away from the blonde doctor in the black black suit. The doctor seemed upset at being treated this way and looked a tad bit distressed at the lack of respect that he had been shown.

"Bye Doc, hope to see you again _really soon_!" I shouted back at him with a slight blush to my tone. At this he smiled. His smile was almost as wide as my own and I blushed and looked back at the floor as I was drug around a corner.

Lost in my own thoughts I barely realized we had reached the front room of the hospital. The Riddler was discussing politics with the woman at the front counter, while Two Face continued to stare into space as if she had no mind at all. Looking around there were no security guards, only a few people sitting the white waiting room.

Time to add a bit of class to the escape. This had been a far too quiet and forgettable escape. The Riddler had relaxed his grip on me. I pulled my arm forward and with glee shoved my elbow into his stomach. He doubled over let go of me. His face a mixture of shock and pain.

Catlike I pounced over the counter and embraced the woman. She screamed, but it quickly faded as I took one arm and stabbed her repeatedly in the chest with the mirror. Taking her into my arms once more, I strode out from behind the counter. I began to hum and took the dead woman for a last dance. We twirled around the room and straight out into the sunlight beyond the front door.

When I glanced around Two Face was smiling broadly at me, her eyes had returned to there normal state, and the Riddler was gawking. Two Face grabbed him and pulled him toward the nearest vehicle. Two Face must have wired it or something cause they were pulling out of the parking spot frantically waving for me to join them. I giggled and dropped the nurse with a soft thud onto the steps of the asylum. I bent low, took her hand and brought to almost to my lips.

"Thank you for the dance m'lady," I said dropping her hand and bowing low.


	5. Surprise!

V

Surpirse!

Ever since the accident there had been a horrible feeling that had set over the household. I hadn't been to see Liz and Rose yet, but I knew that they had been mangled badly. From what Kristi, Liz's mother, had said Liz has now _hideously_ deformed looking. That in itself was a depressing thought, but worse than that she had went completely crazy. She had killed a nurse in the hospital and was now staying at some mental hospital near Medical Lake, WA. I guess they had put Rose and Justin in there as well. Considering how hard Liz had taken her face, I figured it must be pretty bad. She would probably be shunned for the rest of her life. It was probably better for her to be locked up anyway. She'd just get depressed more if she had to deal with being ugly.

"Jim, hey Jim!" a loud, but unmistakable voice whined through the door.

"What do you want Pip?" I said irritably as I opened the door.

Pip stood there with a distressed look on his face. His cheeks flushed from running across the house. I moved away from the door and sat back onto my bed.

"They've escaped!" Pip said excitedly. "Killed two more people on the way out and stole someone's car, they could be anywhere!"

"Are you fucking kidding me!" I shouted, a bit more loudly than I intended to.

"I'm serious dude. It's all over the news," he said a bit more calmly.

I grabbed the tv remote and turned to channel 4. Sure enough, three patients had escaped earlier in the day and there had been no sign of them since. Police were looking everywhere.

"This is some scary ass shit," Pip said, his bottom lip trembling slightly. "What if they are coming here?"

"I don't know." I replied as my door flew open and Greg, Liz's step-father, stood there wide eyed.

"I'm sure you've heard the news." Greg said much more calmly than he looked.

"Yeah, we have." I replied slowly.

"Then you know what must be done." Greg stated more than asked.

"What!" Pip blurted out.

"Come with me," he glanced over at Pip as he turned from the doorway. "Both of you. _It is time_."


	6. Cars and Cats

VI

Cars and Cats

The escape had been a success. Although the Joker's little antics had been amusing, they could have hindered the plan. As much as we wanted to say something about it, there were definitely better, more important things on our minds.

First off we needed to ditch this car. We needed some weapons and some pitiful, expendable followers, but more importantly to kill the Bat. Speaking of the Batman, we had heard no news of him since we left the asylum. Surely he was busy with the business of destroying people's lives. That, after all, was what he was best at.

We took the exit for Division st. and slowed to a stop at the light. The Joker was laughing gleefully as she waved to passing cars. Turning left we started to make our way into downtown Gotham.

"Will you stop making a scene and start looking for a new mode of transportation?" we said irritably.

"Oh sure!" she squeaked. "Like that pretty car right. over. there." she announced proudly. She was pointing at a magnificent purple Mustang convertible. It was perfect, fast, sleek, and good looking.

"Yes, I think that one will do fine." and we grinned. The mustang was a lane over from us. We swerved, cut off a old bastard, and sped up til we were right next to the baby. Red light, come on we need a red light. Bingo, the next light turned red.

The Joker skipped out of the car and started talking to the driver of the mustang. It was a middle aged, balding man. He was probably having a mid-life crisis with a wife sitting at home wondering why he spent all his money on "that damn car", while he was out trying to pick up on young girls. Fucking piece of shit.

We stepped out of the car. The light was still red. We had another 10 seconds, 20 if we were lucky. The rear door opened and the Riddler stumbled out. He nearly tripped over his own feet. He was such an idiot.

We flipped the coin. Seeing the good side up we walked over to the Joker.

"Get in the car," we growled. "Good day isn't it sir?"

"Yes, great weather... we're... having..." the balding fool stammered nervously.

"Perfect for driving with the top down." we said as we opened his door. He grasped for the handle, a panic stricken look on his face. We reached down and unbuckled his seatbelt. He was now madly swinging his arms in the air. The Joker and Riddler had walked around to the other side of the Mustang were now climbing in.

"Thank you," we said as we removed him from the driver seat, "Enjoy the weather." We tossed him onto the ground between the cars and jumped into the mustang. The light turned green as if on cue and we sped off.

—x—

The sun was almost set now. We had spent the day cruising around Gotham. Two Face had been plotting the day away. I had stayed well out of it. Several times the Riddler had made unwise remarks and the coin had been flipped. How I wished, and still do for that matter, that she'd just allow herself to kill him, but the coin always came back down and she kept driving. We needed to get some new clothes. These hospital uniforms(?), for lack of a better word, lacked taste and style and I just can't imagine meeting with Batsy in _this_.

We were on a road named Sprague, if my mind had been on where we were headed I might have realized that I didn't know there was such a road in Gotham, my mind was wondering to Batsy and all of our history together when I saw her. Why she was standing on the corner of a half busy road smiling so, I will never know. The black vinyl clung to her slim form. I seem to remember her suit covering more, but no matter. It is her, Catwoman, Batman's lover and enemy.

"Stop the car!" I shrieked with glee. Twofer slammed on the brakes and the car skidded to a halt in front of the feline.

"Hey baby," she said in a sly voice. She bit her lower lip nonchalantly and took a step towards the car.

All I could do is stare at the woman. She seemed to either not recognize me, or maybe she was just mocking me. She was obviously mocking me, and noone mocks me. Well, except for Bats but that is different! I opened the door as she got closer. She smiled an odd smile and, if I hadn't known better, I'd have thought she was coming onto me.

I grinned at her and she hesitated. Not only did she hesitate, the bitch turned to run. I giggled as my hand locked onto her hair. She screamed, I laughed. I flung the cat bitch into the car and off we went again.

—x—

"Please, please, please..." the woman sobbed from her place beside the Riddler.

"Where is he? I know you know." I stated as I grinned at her.

"I don't know what you are talking about!" she wailed, her tears where not becoming of her. How I wished to make her smile, make her laugh. That was another thing this outfit was missing, laughing gas. Not to mention my hand buzzer, squirting flower, and all the other toys that were used to make people _smile_.

"Who are you and what do you want for me?" she sputtered.

"Have you really forgotten us, Catwoman?" the Riddler said suddenly.

"Are you really that stupid, Riddler? Who could forget the Joker?" I smiled very very wide and laughed. The kind of laugh that made the Riddler squirm in his seat

"No, who are you really? Batman is a movie, it's not real! There are no such people as the Joker and Riddler!" she shouted to be heard over my laughter.

I stopped laughing, and leaned over the seat towards her. "Are you saying, my dear, looking right into my eyes, that I, in fact, do not exist?" I whispered mere inches from her frightened face.

"I don't know!" she wailed.

"But I do exist, touch me if you dare, I am made of flesh. I smile and laugh, like a live being should."

"I'll take you the only place I know to go," she said bravely.

"Now that's a good girl. Maybe we won't have to kill you...yet." I giggled.

"Turn around, you're going the wrong way."

Luckily the road was nearly empty, cause Two Face pulled a marvelous u-turn in the middle of the six lane road. I toppled back over the seat and face planted right into Catwoman's half exposed breasts. She screamed and so did I, although mine came out more as a laugh and was muffled in her large chest. I pulled my self upright, nearly sitting on her lap.

"Why hello dear!" I giggled gleefully. She just blushed and stared into my eyes boldly. She definitely had Catwoman's spirit.

With a wide grin I climbed back into the front seat and with the help of catwoman made it to a rather large junky house near downtown.


	7. More Surprises

VII

More Surprises...

I stood on the steps just inside the entry hall between Kristi and Greg's bedroom and the kitchen. Three steps led into the kitchen and across from them was the bedroom door. Both of the other walls had doors as well. To the left was a door to the backyard and to the right a door to the driveway. The entry hall was narrow with a high ceiling. It was also -always- a mess. Greg kept all his work stuff here, so there were boxes of tools and papers strung everywhere. I have always been amazed that Kristi and Greg could even get to their room.

"Do you see this box?" Greg said as he pointed to a blue tub on the second step.

"Which one! The entire rooms full of your junk!" Pip spouted out.

Greg ignored Pip's outburst and opened the box. Unlike the rest this one was empty except for what looked like a lever attached to the step.

"What the..." Pip started say but the rest was lost in a scream as the stairs we were standing on collapsed onto themselves. I was startled. What the hell was Greg playing at? Pip tumbled right ontop of me. His weight smashing me into the floor.

"We didn't have the money for an elevator," Greg stated as he stood up and straightened his suit.

"What the hell is going on!" I screamed pushing Pip off of me. I jumped to my feet but Greg had turned and was walking into the darkness. I looked around. The only light in the room was coming from the hole in the ceiling where the stairs had been. Pip was now standing, looking slightly confused and pissed. Suddenly the stairs moved back into place and we were plunged into darkness.

"This way, hurry now," Greg's voice echoed off the high ceiling. I looked towards the voice and saw Greg, a silhouette against a bright doorway. The anger was building. He knew something and was just toying with us. I stomped forward, I could hear Pip breathing hard behind me. I followed Greg into a large room. Bare bulbs hung from the ceiling. It really had no walls, it was more earth and stone. The floor was concrete. Greg turned and raised his hand motioning for us to stop.

"Is this some kind of secret cave underneath the house?" Pip broke the silence.

"Yes, we had hoped never to use it, but a situation has been brought to our attention that we cannot ignore." His face looked grim.

"Will you just tell us what's going on?" I said shortly. At this point my eyes began to roam the room. Something caught my eye and I moved to the right side of the room. It was a perfect replica of the Bat suit. It looked so real. Next to it was a Robin suit. This one looked different though. Somewhat larger than I would ever have imagined it to be. I turned again. There was a case of gadgets. Some I recognized, such as the Batarangs, others that I didn't. I turned back to Greg.

"Is this?" I started. "Are we supposed to..." my words failed me.

"Yes, you are Batman and you," he looked at Pip, "are his sidekick Robin."

Pip looked at him crossly and began to roam the room. He stopped short in front of the suits. "You've got to be kidding me! Fuck you Greg, fuck you." he growled as he stared at the fat Robin costume. It wasn't a rubber body suit, like the Bat suit, but an old fashioned Robin suit complete with green tights.

"Get suited up gentlemen, you must save Kristi."

—x—

Friday July11th, 2003

I've decided to write this journal to document my adventures. So I guess I'll start by introducing myself and my history. My name is Phillip, but most people call me Pip. It's a nickname that my sister, Liz, thought of after watching South Park for the first time. I don't mind it much anymore. I live in Seattle, WA with my mom, step dad, sister and two of my sister's friends, Rose and Jim. Recently Liz, Rose and Rose's boyfriend (I think his name is Justin, or something like that) got into a really bad car wreak. From what I've heard there was a chemical truck that crashed on I-5 and Justin hit it going about 90mph. I'm surprised that they lived.

I visited my sister in the hospital about a week ago. She was barely alive and completely bandaged up. The next day she woke up and bashed a nurse's face into the bathroom mirror. I wish I could have seen it, if they hadn't have hauled her off to that metal hospital in Medical Lake I wouldn't believe it. Two days ago she broke out of the hospital, her Rose and Justin. They even killed two more people on the way out and stole a car. My sister is so awesome. Not many can get out of that hospital, but she did.

Well that's enough history. Lets get right to the point. Greg is a nutcase and took me and Jim down into this secret area under the house. It was a like a cave. Greg told us that Liz and Rose had kidnaped my mom and that Jim and me had to save her. He also explained that Liz was no longer Liz, but now believed herself to be the joker. I saw her picture in the paper and she did look a lot like the joker. It still pisses me off that Jim gets to wear a cool ass batman suit and I am stuck with green tights. I don't wanna even to do this, but I really have no choice. I don't want them to kill mom.

The coolest thing is the Batmobile. Me and Jim got into our suits and Greg took us outside. Then he took out what looked like a remote control and pressed a button. The drive way in front of us raised and the car came shooting out. Noone was even driving it. It was so funny cause some crazy bitch was getting out of her car and the Batmobile hit her. I was laughing so hard, I'm laughing right now trying to write about it. The car reversed and hit the bitch again. Jim was gawking and Greg looked like he was trying not to grin. At the time I thought it was just some random bitch, but later Jim told me that it was fucking Martha Steward! I think the Batmobile hates that bitch, it was like it was aiming for her. Jim was thrilled cause he had to put up her brand christmas trees in K-mart the year before.

We are in Medical Lake now, using my grandma Davis' house as our base. We think that Liz and Rose have found some henchmen or something. A bank downtown was robbed last night. This might be harder than Greg thought. At least he equipped us well.

Well I'm gonna try and get some sleep. Tomorrow we are going to go look for them.

Pip


	8. To Catch A Bat

i haven't been able to write anything lately. this chapter is kinda crappy, but at least we're getting somewhere.

and i wanna thank Fiona Fargazer for the review. that really made my day when i got it.

VIII

To Catch a Bat

"The robberies have yet to cease. The police are baffled. So far the targets have included a downtown bank, a costume shop, a chemistry lab at Eastern Washington University, a small gun shop, and we fear more targets are being looted as we speak. The police suspect that one group is behind all the robberies, but no motive has been spoken of at this time. We have no details on exactly what was taken at this time, but we will keep updating until we know," the female reporter's voice droned on over the large television.

"They didn't mention the Best Buy!" The joker pouted fiercely.

"I'm sure they'll get to that one later..." we said annoyed.

"I sure hope so! That was my favorite one." She grinned.

At this point we were pissed. How could she think so little of our accomplishments to complain about our news coverage? The news coverage was only good to lure the Bat, but nothing more. Here we had everything we needed to catch a Bat, even bait. That hadn't been part of the plan though. While the henchmen had been loading our new electronics some stupid woman had fallen to her knees in front of the Joker and started crying. We had wanted to put a bullet in her head, but for some odd reason the Joker wouldn't let us. So now the whinny red headed bitch was locked in a basement room of the new lair.

"Do you ever shut-up?" we glared.

"Do you have a sense of humor? You need to smile more," the Joker whispered with a devilish grin. Our relationship had been getting rocky, our styles differed. We flipped the coin, good side up.

"Maybe you're right..." we said grudgingly.

"I thought so, you know I could help with that?" she stated, her grin widening, a slight giggle escaping.

"That's quite alright, but I'm sure that woman could use a laugh."

"Oh what a grand idea!"the joker cackled as she leapt out of her chair and skipped for the door. We sighed with relief. That woman could drive anyone mad, but she was very useful at times. There was no way we could have got everything this fast without her.

After catching Catwoman everything had just fallen together. She took us to her hideout, some piece of shit house near downtown. Her boyfriend wasn't as easy to convince as we would have hoped. The idiot had pulled a gun on us. Luckily he wasn't very bright, we disarmed him with ease and the Joker had his gun pointed to his head in an instant. That changed his tune very nicely. Since then his little gang of followers has been helping us to get the things we need.

The Joker got some chemistry professor to help create some toys for her. The same guy had helped us get our hideout set up. He bought the fancy house with the bank robbery money. Easy as pie. No one would suspect this place as our lair, not even the bat. Once the Joker is satisfied with her new toys the game really begins.

—x—

"You're awake!" I shouted gleefully as I stepped into the small basement room. The redheaded woman sat up slowly on the makeshift pillow mattress and looked at me intently. She was kinda familiar for some reason, but the way she starred at me was unnerving.

"Where am I?" she said quietly, her eyes still boring into me.

"Come now! You know I can't tell you that!" I strolled across the room til I was standing directly in front of her. I leaned down and whispered, "That would ruin all the fun."

"Maybe so, but I'm really not having all that much fun anyway," the woman said sharply leaning back away from me. She was afraid, but didn't want me to know.

"Soon you'll be having -a lot- of fun," I said standing back upright. A wicked smile spreading across my face.

"What?" the woman said suddenly. Her face showing her fear. I just smiled at her and turned to walk towards the door.

Silent and fast an arm slipped around my neck. I grabbed the wrist and twisted. The woman held me tightly. I twisted my body, squirming, trying to pry myself out of her grasp.

"Liz! Fucking listen to me, just a minute! You are my daughter. I need you to remember that! You need to remember!" she shrieked at me frantically.

The words she said hit me hard, something so familiar in her voice, but so unknown at the same time. I kicked backwards, hitting her shin hard with my heel. She yelped and loosened her death grip just enough. I lean myself forward while grabbing her wrists roughly. I dropped to the ground and flung the woman over me. She landed in front on my on her back with a loud thump.

"I should kill you for that!" I screamed. "I don't give a shit who you are, don't you ever try anything like that again. I'll slit your throat." I grabbed the woman by the hair and pulled her to her knees. My knife was at her throat, the blade dancing on her skin.

The Riddler appeared in the doorway. His face was contorted. He looked very confused. His hair was ruffled and sticking everywhere and his green suit disheveled as well. I laughed at the sight, the knife drawing a small amount of blood. The woman gasped.

"We need that woman! What will Two-Face think if you kill the bait?"

"Fine!" I leaned down to the woman's ear. "I will show you how to have fun soon." I let go of her hair and kicked her in the stomach, knocking her further into the room.

With that I left for the kitchen, my mind full and my stomach empty.


End file.
